Thursday, October 22, 2009

Poow widdle waptop, get better soon!!

I've been online for 21 years. My family got its first computer in 1988, a Packard bell 286 Santa brought for Christmas.

I've been online for 21 years and I've never gotten a virus. Until tonight.

My computer has a virus.

Not just any virus, but the popup advertiser from hell. In the past half an hour I've been invited to apply for jobs, meet local singles, search with a new engine, read breaking news, buy an antivirus program, search with a different new engine, and meet more singles.

Once in a while, a voice blazes, "Would you like to make $5,000 posting links on Google?"

Meanwhile, gmail is slow, facebook freezes, I can't download any programs to try to erase the virus, and so I've turned to my friends for solace.

Their responses:
NLJ:   Time to shut down....for a year
57 minutes ago · Delete
NW:   What you need is a year without the internet.
52 minutes ago · Delete

NLJ:   or you could just have [AR] fix it
52 minutes ago · Delete

NLJ:   I think [NW] needs to see your new blog
48 minutes ago · Delete

NW:   Or maybe he already has. :)
46 minutes ago · Delete
NLJ:   Touche
44 minutes ago · Delete

Roxana Popescu:   =) Well tomorrow, you will both see yourselves on the blog... because I'm definitely writing about this horrific incident.
42 minutes ago · Delete
Grateful for the support of the Facebook community as I deal with this personal tragedy, I turn, now, to art. i.e. writing. i.e. blogging.

Woe is me.

But that is this? A ray of hope peeking through the clouds of my grief? For in a few moments, the only person I know who can fix this will bound though the door and save me.

UPDATE: I didn't post this right away, since my computer got taken over by AR, who took one look and told me there's no hope: The hard drive has to be wiped clean. Turns out that around 4:50 this afternoon, my computer snagged a Trojan and something called a backdoor bot. Don't wanna know what those are or how they got there.

Also turns out those evil programs tried to latch onto my passwords and turn my computer into a remote control, according to the uber-informed MM.

My relationship with the internet: 21 years old. Today: not one, but two viruses at once. My baby, all grown up! And telling me to go fuck myself, I think...


  1. Incase other people want to be informed.. and because every nasty virus is different, this site is usually pretty good at helping to figure out how to get rid of individual buggers.

  2. Thanks, Marcus, for that info. Especially considering some viruses are so new the anti-virus programs don't detect them, those sites are, alas, very useful.